It is 2:44 AM, 18 months since the attack, 12 months since the last nightmare, laying in bed and I have a flashback, I see myself laying in the pavement as a foot comes crashing into my skull. My vision fades to nothing and then I am back laying in bed. Tears are running down my face. I have been strong for a long time, I have fought through my feelings and I have stood up and said that words won't hurt me, that I won't allow hatred to hurt me ever again.
This is supposed to be a time of celebration, not a time of pain. This is supposed to be a moment in time when I can happily proclaim my love for this wonderful man. But instead my head is being smashed into the pavement.
Words are a very powerful thing, words can convey many emotions, yet I can not seem to find the words to express how I feel right now. The words that are being used to describe my love by bigots on other blogs are vile and horrific. Venomous hatred is being spewed from the keyboards of these unworthy humans. And at 2:44 AM 18 months since the attack and 12 months since my last nightmare I am being beaten again, and I am once again being loaded into an ambulance because of hate.
For six months after the attack I would wake up at 2:44 punching and screaming and reliving the moment my life changed forever. It was after all 2:44 AM when the first blow to my skull by Fabio Brandao was logged. And now the words of people have made another imprint on my brain, and imprint almost as powerful as the foot that struck me. I know they are only words, and I can outwardly say that they will never hurt me but subconsciously they do, they harm me just as deeply as the violent attack.
The Doctor's mother thinks maybe we should drop out of the competition to win our Ultimate Wedding. I have thought about it. But if we were to drop out then these bigots would be the ones who would win. They want us to roll over and let them have their way with us. They want us to fear them because they hate us.
Then I think about all that I have been through, my struggle to come out, the lack of acceptance, being attacked for being true to myself, finding the perfect man and loving him openly and honestly, getting engaged and making the decision to enter a contest knowing that it would be a difficult road.
There is no way that I can drop out of this competition and retreat. I can not stop being who I am and I need to make a difference. Words are powerful, and so are actions. And just like the words of hatred can have power over people, words of hope can have power over people as well. We have the power to change society, we have the power to make a difference.
At 2:44 AM I have decided to use my words to do good not evil, I have decided that I will not quit because victory is the sweetest of all revenge, and I will make a difference, so the next boy struggling with who he is can look at me and the Doctor, and see that love has no gender. He can see that if he believes in himself and who he is then he can do anything. I needed a role model when I was coming out, and I can be that role model for many people.
2:44 AM will not mark a moment when hate changed my life, 2:44 AM will mark the moment when love and community helped with my decision to keep moving forward.
Crate and Barrel Ultimate Wedding Contest: Love Not Hate
When Greg and I entered the Crate and Barrel Ultimate Wedding Contest we knew to a certain extent would would be in the public eye. We knew when we started emailing the link out to people the word would get around. We also knew that when you are in the public eye you open yourself up to criticism, thats why many public figures don't even look themselves up on the internet. I however, couldn't restrain myself, when I started seeing my name and picture popping up on blogs I had to look at what people were saying. Most people were amazing, they supported us and are all trying to help us win. The support of the community was and is heartwarming.
And of course there are people who are going to pick on you, for no reason other than they can, I can deal with it, believe me I don't even like my own hair, but the faux hawk is all I can do to control my out of control mop, unless I shave my head a la Britney Spears and I worry I have a misshaped head! This I can deal with, I'm not running out to the hairdresser immediately and getting a new haircut!
But then there are comments like these that send me over the edge, whether in the public eye or not these comments are not acceptable. Not because they hurt me, I'm a big boy I can take it, but because it shows hatred for our community. It incites violence like that I have had to live through.
http://shavedlongcock.blogspot.com/2010/02/lets-vote-for-one-of-our-own-densey.html
Anonymous
said...
click the (top vote) couple tab once at the site and you will wanna
puke! two dudes holding each other. WTF! flammin fagots, go back into
the closet with your anal lube and start saving for future medical
expenses.
(I didn't activate the link because I don't want to support his blog)
Anyway, what is frustrating to me is that while these are just words they are words that are based in prejudices and hatred. They are words that can harm. These are the words that I heard before my head was smashed into the pavement.
This contest is about fun. This contest is about love. The love that has brought the Doctor and I together, we have lived through some of the worst things that can happen, but we don't want for others to have to live through it. We are in this contest to prove a point, that our love is as strong as any couples, that our love is just as important even if it is between two men, and that our love represents the same love of many men and women in our community. Please make sure that you vote, and share, and tweet, and blog, and support us in our campaign.
Please support love, not hate! And Please VOTE HERE
And of course there are people who are going to pick on you, for no reason other than they can, I can deal with it, believe me I don't even like my own hair, but the faux hawk is all I can do to control my out of control mop, unless I shave my head a la Britney Spears and I worry I have a misshaped head! This I can deal with, I'm not running out to the hairdresser immediately and getting a new haircut!
But then there are comments like these that send me over the edge, whether in the public eye or not these comments are not acceptable. Not because they hurt me, I'm a big boy I can take it, but because it shows hatred for our community. It incites violence like that I have had to live through.
http://shavedlongcock.blogspot.com/2010/02/lets-vote-for-one-of-our-own-densey.html
Anonymous
said...
click the (top vote) couple tab once at the site and you will wanna
puke! two dudes holding each other. WTF! flammin fagots, go back into
the closet with your anal lube and start saving for future medical
expenses.
(I didn't activate the link because I don't want to support his blog)
Anyway, what is frustrating to me is that while these are just words they are words that are based in prejudices and hatred. They are words that can harm. These are the words that I heard before my head was smashed into the pavement.
This contest is about fun. This contest is about love. The love that has brought the Doctor and I together, we have lived through some of the worst things that can happen, but we don't want for others to have to live through it. We are in this contest to prove a point, that our love is as strong as any couples, that our love is just as important even if it is between two men, and that our love represents the same love of many men and women in our community. Please make sure that you vote, and share, and tweet, and blog, and support us in our campaign.
Please support love, not hate! And Please VOTE HERE
Crate and Barrel Ultimate Wedding Contest: Dear Ellen
Dear Ellen Degeneres:
My name is JRH and I am currently engaged to my partner the Doctor and we are competing in Crate and Barrel’s Ultimate Wedding Contest. While competing something amazing happened the community rallied around us and we are now a same sex couple leading a nationwide contest to win our $100,000 Ultimate Wedding.
The Doctor and I met through a mutual friend in the Boston area and we quickly became the best of friends. I knew from the moment I met the Doctor he would be a part of my life forever. It was a rare occasion that we would be out separately. We were completely at ease with each other, and we knew that we could be ourselves. As the months passed we grew closer, but we knew that the friendship would always be the basis of our relationship.
Our story wasn’t simply a fairy tale, it has been a long road, even before the contest the Doctor and I had to endure a great deal of hatred. I am the survivor of a violent hate crime in the Boston area. A hate crime where my attacker screamed; “die faggot die” as he stomped my head into the pavement. A hate crime where my attacker pled guilty on all counts and still walked away with no jail time.
After all of the attack and the trial the Doctor stood by my side. He held me up and he pushed me forward. He was there with me through the constant nightmares and my struggle to understand. He was also the one who helped me gain the courage to speak out about what happened to me. We both made the decision to help our community by not sitting still. We both became unlikely activists. I even lent my words and experience to a speech read at a protest in Boston, and plan to speak at the Maine LGBT Civil Rights March.
Our love helped us survive this dark time but our love was also stronger than all of this. Our love allowed us to persevere. All relationships are hard, but we had to overcome many obstacles to openly experience our love. But the obstacles have made both of us appreciate what we have and celebrate that we still have a life to spend together. The hate from others has tested our love, and neither of us have any doubt about where we stand.
I proposed to the Doctor on October 10, 2009 in an unplanned moment sitting in front of the fire in our new place. I knew that no matter what, I needed this amazing man by my side for the rest of my life. The Doctor said yes and we have been engaged now for four months and we love every moment of it.
We will always face those people who do no accept us, but we will stand up together and show them that we are proud, and we are going to be happily MARRIED for a very long time. And now there is a chance that we can show the world how happy and lucky we are by winning this contest. This contest means a lot to the Doctor and I, but it will also mean a lot to the LGBTQ community.
I would hope that you would consider telling this story, and helping not only us out, but also help make a strong statement to the world.
Thank you,
JRH
PLEASE VOTE FOR US!
My name is JRH and I am currently engaged to my partner the Doctor and we are competing in Crate and Barrel’s Ultimate Wedding Contest. While competing something amazing happened the community rallied around us and we are now a same sex couple leading a nationwide contest to win our $100,000 Ultimate Wedding.
The Doctor and I met through a mutual friend in the Boston area and we quickly became the best of friends. I knew from the moment I met the Doctor he would be a part of my life forever. It was a rare occasion that we would be out separately. We were completely at ease with each other, and we knew that we could be ourselves. As the months passed we grew closer, but we knew that the friendship would always be the basis of our relationship.
Our story wasn’t simply a fairy tale, it has been a long road, even before the contest the Doctor and I had to endure a great deal of hatred. I am the survivor of a violent hate crime in the Boston area. A hate crime where my attacker screamed; “die faggot die” as he stomped my head into the pavement. A hate crime where my attacker pled guilty on all counts and still walked away with no jail time.
After all of the attack and the trial the Doctor stood by my side. He held me up and he pushed me forward. He was there with me through the constant nightmares and my struggle to understand. He was also the one who helped me gain the courage to speak out about what happened to me. We both made the decision to help our community by not sitting still. We both became unlikely activists. I even lent my words and experience to a speech read at a protest in Boston, and plan to speak at the Maine LGBT Civil Rights March.
Our love helped us survive this dark time but our love was also stronger than all of this. Our love allowed us to persevere. All relationships are hard, but we had to overcome many obstacles to openly experience our love. But the obstacles have made both of us appreciate what we have and celebrate that we still have a life to spend together. The hate from others has tested our love, and neither of us have any doubt about where we stand.
I proposed to the Doctor on October 10, 2009 in an unplanned moment sitting in front of the fire in our new place. I knew that no matter what, I needed this amazing man by my side for the rest of my life. The Doctor said yes and we have been engaged now for four months and we love every moment of it.
We will always face those people who do no accept us, but we will stand up together and show them that we are proud, and we are going to be happily MARRIED for a very long time. And now there is a chance that we can show the world how happy and lucky we are by winning this contest. This contest means a lot to the Doctor and I, but it will also mean a lot to the LGBTQ community.
I would hope that you would consider telling this story, and helping not only us out, but also help make a strong statement to the world.
Thank you,
JRH
PLEASE VOTE FOR US!
Our Love: In More Than 100 Words
Boy meets boy, boy falls for boy, and boys get engaged. The pure existence of our love is not always accepted. We had to deal with hatred from outsiders and support one another in recovery. Our love story involves the evolution of the meaning of love and the perseverance that allowed two people such as us to openly experience happiness. We knew that we were right for each other from the start, we knew that we would always be by one another’s sides and that as best friends we could truly experience our love openly.
If only the complete story of our love could be spoken in 100 words or less. That broad stroke encompasses our lives together but the story is much more complex.
The Doctor and I met through a mutual friend in the Boston area and we quickly became the best of friends. I knew from the moment I met the Doctor he would be a part of my life forever. It was a rare occasion that we would be out separately. We were completely at ease with each other, and we knew that we could be ourselves. As the months passed we grew closer, but we knew that the friendship would always be the basis of our relationship.
As the Doctor’s time in Boston drew to a close he accepted a position down in Washington DC. This is when we reached a cross road in our relationship, and I made the decision to follow the Doctor to DC. A few nights before we were due to leave the Doctor went to the Cape to spend time with friends and family and I went out with a few close friends. This night is when our lives changed dramatically.
As I was walking home from that night out with friends a car approached and four men got out. One of them screamed, “die faggot die,” as he kicked my head into the pavement. Then ran off with his friends to his car, driving away, leaving me unconscious in the middle of the street. A witness pulled up, making sure on-coming cars wouldn’t run me over. My friends watched, tears welling up, as they loaded me into the ambulance. I don’t remember anything. I woke up in the hospital. I turned to see my friend in the other bed, also a victim of this hate, still bleeding from his scalp. My own head was throbbing.
I was sad lonely and confused, but I was told the Doctor was on his way back from the Cape to be by our sides.
Once I was discharged the Doctor took care of me, he took me out to the Cape with his family (the first time I met many of them) and nursed me back to health. I returned to work a few days later and we began to prepare for our move.
Months later, I sat in the courtroom, finally seeing the face of the man whose violent attack sent me to the emergency room. I watched and listened as he admitted his guilt and his hatred. He was guilty on all nine counts including four counts of civil rights violations.
My head was spinning and my legs were trembling as I approached the microphone to deliver my statement. I described what the attacks had done to me. How I awoke every night at 2:44 AM reliving the nightmare and how I could never look at my “home” of Boston the same again. Returning to the bench, I was comforted by the Doctor and another of the victims. We squeezed hands, knowing that we were all lucky to be alive.
It was a surreal experience.
As the Doctor and I returned to Washington DC, we were determined to move on, but there was still something nagging me inside. How could this man who openly expressed such hatred be free. So with the Doctor by my side I became an unlikely activist and began to speak out. The community rallied around us and for the first time in our lives we realized that good can come of every situation. The Doctor never questioned me, he supported and loved me and he knew this was important. As the press picked up the case he even acted as a press secretary directing the madness around me.
Our love was stronger than all of this. Our love allowed us to persevere. All relationships are hard, but we had to overcome many obstacles to openly experience our love. But the obstacles have made both of us stronger, the hate from others has tested our love, and neither of us have any doubt about where we stand.
I proposed to the Doctor on October 10, 2009 in an unplanned moment sitting in front of the fire in our new place. I knew that no matter what, I needed this amazing man by my side for the rest of my life. The Doctor said yes and we have been engaged now for four months and we love every moment of it. We will always face those people who do no accept us, but we will stand up together and show them that we are proud, and we are going to be happily MARRIED for a very long time.
It feels so good to say MARRIED and know that in a few months we will LEGALLY be married in DC, and our relationship will begin another exciting chapter.
CLICK HERE TO VOTE
If only the complete story of our love could be spoken in 100 words or less. That broad stroke encompasses our lives together but the story is much more complex.
The Doctor and I met through a mutual friend in the Boston area and we quickly became the best of friends. I knew from the moment I met the Doctor he would be a part of my life forever. It was a rare occasion that we would be out separately. We were completely at ease with each other, and we knew that we could be ourselves. As the months passed we grew closer, but we knew that the friendship would always be the basis of our relationship.
As the Doctor’s time in Boston drew to a close he accepted a position down in Washington DC. This is when we reached a cross road in our relationship, and I made the decision to follow the Doctor to DC. A few nights before we were due to leave the Doctor went to the Cape to spend time with friends and family and I went out with a few close friends. This night is when our lives changed dramatically.
As I was walking home from that night out with friends a car approached and four men got out. One of them screamed, “die faggot die,” as he kicked my head into the pavement. Then ran off with his friends to his car, driving away, leaving me unconscious in the middle of the street. A witness pulled up, making sure on-coming cars wouldn’t run me over. My friends watched, tears welling up, as they loaded me into the ambulance. I don’t remember anything. I woke up in the hospital. I turned to see my friend in the other bed, also a victim of this hate, still bleeding from his scalp. My own head was throbbing.
I was sad lonely and confused, but I was told the Doctor was on his way back from the Cape to be by our sides.
Once I was discharged the Doctor took care of me, he took me out to the Cape with his family (the first time I met many of them) and nursed me back to health. I returned to work a few days later and we began to prepare for our move.
Months later, I sat in the courtroom, finally seeing the face of the man whose violent attack sent me to the emergency room. I watched and listened as he admitted his guilt and his hatred. He was guilty on all nine counts including four counts of civil rights violations.
My head was spinning and my legs were trembling as I approached the microphone to deliver my statement. I described what the attacks had done to me. How I awoke every night at 2:44 AM reliving the nightmare and how I could never look at my “home” of Boston the same again. Returning to the bench, I was comforted by the Doctor and another of the victims. We squeezed hands, knowing that we were all lucky to be alive.
It was a surreal experience.
As the Doctor and I returned to Washington DC, we were determined to move on, but there was still something nagging me inside. How could this man who openly expressed such hatred be free. So with the Doctor by my side I became an unlikely activist and began to speak out. The community rallied around us and for the first time in our lives we realized that good can come of every situation. The Doctor never questioned me, he supported and loved me and he knew this was important. As the press picked up the case he even acted as a press secretary directing the madness around me.
Our love was stronger than all of this. Our love allowed us to persevere. All relationships are hard, but we had to overcome many obstacles to openly experience our love. But the obstacles have made both of us stronger, the hate from others has tested our love, and neither of us have any doubt about where we stand.
I proposed to the Doctor on October 10, 2009 in an unplanned moment sitting in front of the fire in our new place. I knew that no matter what, I needed this amazing man by my side for the rest of my life. The Doctor said yes and we have been engaged now for four months and we love every moment of it. We will always face those people who do no accept us, but we will stand up together and show them that we are proud, and we are going to be happily MARRIED for a very long time.
It feels so good to say MARRIED and know that in a few months we will LEGALLY be married in DC, and our relationship will begin another exciting chapter.
CLICK HERE TO VOTE
Community
Community can be defined in many different ways, but the idea is always the same. And its funny I feel like I belong to a lot of different communities, the one at work, the one in DC, the community in which I grew up, and of course the LGBTQ community.
What has amazed me over the past several months is how honorable and gracious the LGBTQ community is. When I was struggling with the after effects of the Hate Crime attack in Boston, not only did I have the Doctor by my side but I was surrounded by the love and compassion of the community. When I was struggling with the after effects of the trial I had my friends by my side and the Doctor with me, but I also gained new friends who helped me cope. Friends who stood by me and spoke up. Friends like Don Gorton, David Mailloux, Gary Briggs, and Brad Reichard to name just a few who literally organized protest and wrote stories about what was happening.
And now this same community is standing with the Doctor and I in a much happier time. This same community is spending time and energy trying to help us win our dream wedding. Sure it seems like a small thing, but for the Doctor and I it is heartwarming, most people struggle to feel like they belong, we know we have support and love, and we want to return that love and support to you! Thank you all so much for all that you do, that you are doing, and what you have done, you are all amazing and I am so happy to be a part of this community! I promise you, the tear that I have in my eye while writing this is a tear of joy, and it feels very good!
And if you haven't voted yet, please CLICK HERE
What has amazed me over the past several months is how honorable and gracious the LGBTQ community is. When I was struggling with the after effects of the Hate Crime attack in Boston, not only did I have the Doctor by my side but I was surrounded by the love and compassion of the community. When I was struggling with the after effects of the trial I had my friends by my side and the Doctor with me, but I also gained new friends who helped me cope. Friends who stood by me and spoke up. Friends like Don Gorton, David Mailloux, Gary Briggs, and Brad Reichard to name just a few who literally organized protest and wrote stories about what was happening.
And now this same community is standing with the Doctor and I in a much happier time. This same community is spending time and energy trying to help us win our dream wedding. Sure it seems like a small thing, but for the Doctor and I it is heartwarming, most people struggle to feel like they belong, we know we have support and love, and we want to return that love and support to you! Thank you all so much for all that you do, that you are doing, and what you have done, you are all amazing and I am so happy to be a part of this community! I promise you, the tear that I have in my eye while writing this is a tear of joy, and it feels very good!
And if you haven't voted yet, please CLICK HERE
Ultimate Wedding Contest Link
For those of you having problems linking in to vote from Facebook click on the link below and vote for us!
VOTE HERE
VOTE HERE
The Blizzard of 2010 Parts I and II
There are many things that I can say about the Blizzard of 2010. I am not really sure however where I should start. But it all boils down to I have been stuck in the house for five days at this point. Friday around 11am I left work. i was in a good mood, I figured that there could be things that were worse than being snowed in for the weekend. I bought some food, bought some alcohol, and scrambled to a number of stores to try to find some fire wood. I found the firewood and I was home. The snow started to fall, it wasn't too bad, the snow fell through the night and got progressively worse, but I was able to take some great pictures of the snow. By Saturday a majority of the snow had fallen. The Doctor and I went outside for a walk, it was beautiful. We were able to venture out a few times to places close by. But what amazed me is that in 3 days my road and the roads around mine had not been plowed. Then on Monday we had to go to the supermarket because another storm was coming, we walked to the supermarket with our backpacks and we were amazed that most of the streets had not been plowed. Where are the snow plows?
It is now five days after the first snow flakes have fallen, we are two storms in, and there are still no plows that have gone down the street. How have we not had any plows? I have lived in cities for a long time and I know that DC isn't used to this but really get the plows out on the streets, clean the roads. They keep making excuses and I don't want to hear it anymore, yes lot of snow, yes hard to deal with, but here is a hint...
PLOW THE STREET!
Last night (Tuesday night) I finally saw a plow on our street, the DC government truck was driving down the street with the plow UP. Here is another hint, putting the PLOW DOWN will help clear the streets.
the Ultimate Wedding Contest
Our love story.
Boy meets boy, boy falls for boy, and boys get engaged. The pure existence of our love is not always accepted. We had to deal with hatred from outsiders and support one another in recovery. Our love story involves the evolution of the meaning of love and the perseverance that allowed two people such as us to openly experience happiness. We knew that we were right for each other from the start, we knew that we would always be by one another’s sides and that as best friends we could truly experience our love openly.
Three important details about our Ultimate Wedding.
The three key things for our wedding are simply friends, family, and fun. We want a simple, but elegant affair at an outdoor vineyard in the DC area with our family and friends from across the country. Our family and friends are very important to us and our dream day would not be complete unless we were surrounded by all of them. And we want all of these people to be able to celebrate our love for each other and enjoy a memorable occasion.
Our everyday dream day.
Beauty, tranquility, and love characterize our perfect day. A perfect day for us is a day that is very similar to our wedding day. It is a day that we are free to spend together and to enjoy the company of our friends and family. One of our favorite weekend pastimes is venturing out to the vineyards in Virginia with a small group for a wine tasting and picnic. It gives us the opportunity to enjoy each others company, be absorbed by our surroundings and get away from the hectic lives we lead in the city.
So what is this all about? Its about a contest to pay for our wedding! Crate and Barrel i srunning a contest and all I need you to do is click on the link and vote for us! Please and thank you!
CLICK HERE AND VOTE
Boy meets boy, boy falls for boy, and boys get engaged. The pure existence of our love is not always accepted. We had to deal with hatred from outsiders and support one another in recovery. Our love story involves the evolution of the meaning of love and the perseverance that allowed two people such as us to openly experience happiness. We knew that we were right for each other from the start, we knew that we would always be by one another’s sides and that as best friends we could truly experience our love openly.
Three important details about our Ultimate Wedding.
The three key things for our wedding are simply friends, family, and fun. We want a simple, but elegant affair at an outdoor vineyard in the DC area with our family and friends from across the country. Our family and friends are very important to us and our dream day would not be complete unless we were surrounded by all of them. And we want all of these people to be able to celebrate our love for each other and enjoy a memorable occasion.
Our everyday dream day.
Beauty, tranquility, and love characterize our perfect day. A perfect day for us is a day that is very similar to our wedding day. It is a day that we are free to spend together and to enjoy the company of our friends and family. One of our favorite weekend pastimes is venturing out to the vineyards in Virginia with a small group for a wine tasting and picnic. It gives us the opportunity to enjoy each others company, be absorbed by our surroundings and get away from the hectic lives we lead in the city.
So what is this all about? Its about a contest to pay for our wedding! Crate and Barrel i srunning a contest and all I need you to do is click on the link and vote for us! Please and thank you!
CLICK HERE AND VOTE
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