Maybe Another Line of Work Would Suit You Better

This past weekend, the Doctor and I escaped from the city and went up to Ogunquit, Maine for a nice couple days on the beach. It was exactly what we needed, time in the sun, a nice early morning walk on the cliffs, and time away from Boston. All this and although it is three states away, it is only 67 miles. It makes for the perfect weekend getaway. We met some great people, and some interesting people (including a lesbian who grabbed both of our asses). But our favorite run in was at the state liquor store in New Hampshire.

On our way up to Maine we decided to stop for some drinks for the beach and some wine for the room, it is always cheaper to bring drinks then go out in a tourist town and drink. And what better place to stop then the New Hampshire liquor store, because it is a liquor superstore and cheaper then Boston (although we learned they don't carry beer or ice). We park the car walk in and pick up our selections and then walk to the register with no line. I always have a knack for picking the worst cashier but at least our interaction with this one was quite entertaining. Here is the gist of the conversation...

The doctor approaches the register first...

Cashier: Can I see your ID?

Doctor: Sure (pulling out his Illinois Drivers License)

Cashier: Oh, what brings you to the area? Are you a student?

Doctor: I am doing my fellowship at (name of school deleted)

Cashier: What's a fellowship, I have never heard that term before

Cashier from Behind: Oh, your a Doctor, wow you are awfully young to be a Doctor, what do you do?

Doctor: I am a psychologist

Cashier: Oh, my shrink says it takes a crazy person to know a crazy person. I'm just kidding!

Me: No its OK, he is crazy!

Cashier: I had the best doctors when I was down in Florida for rehab they really helped me.

Doctor: (looking at me for a reaction/ me trying to contain laughter) Well that's good... I'm glad they helped and that your better

Cashier: Yeah, but I still like to be around the alcohol and see drunks so I got the job here, at least its not totally out of my life.

Doctor: (not knowing how to respond and looking quite confused)

Me: As long as your happy! (What I was on the spot I had no idea what to say!)

This conversation continued for a few more minutes until we finally both paid and walked out of the store without making eye contact. We made it about three steps outside the door, looked at each other and started cracking up, this is so not the right place for a recovering alcoholic. I mean I am sure that her "shrink" would agree with us there. Seriously? She couldn't find another place to work? At least she provided us with some entertainment. And the Doctor even knew what I would be blogging about when we got home!

I Love Angell

Bob ran away a couple months ago while the contractor was doing work on the house. I called around to animal control and Angell Animal Hospital while I was looking because Angell is right around the corner from me. It was late on a Saturday evening and animal control never called me back but Angell called me back within an hour and told me that unfortunately they didn't have Bob but they would call me if he turned up. He never did turn up at Angell but I fould him much later that night eating some of the food I put out for him on the back deck. I was so relieved that I called my parents etc but I forgot to call the lovely lady at Angell back and tell her that I had found Bob.

Yesterday, she called me to make sure that I had found him because it had been a couple of months and she had not heard from me. Now that is some great followup and service I appreciate. Thank you Angell for caring. Both Bob and I appreciate it (I am sure Tipsy does too although she prefers having the house to herself).

I Had to Abandon

Last week I started reading an Irving Welsh book entitled If You Like School, You'll Love Work. I figured that it would be a good chance for me to read a new author that many of my customers enjoy. He is a well recognized and respected author in the college community, I love Burroughs and Sedaris and have read and enjoyed Palahnuik so why not some Welsh.

Well, I hated it. I read 150 pages and tried to give it a chance but the stories weren't going anywhere. I felt like the book lacked a plot or a complete idea. The main theme was gross out humor and well it just didn't work for me. Not my type of book (sorry Mr. Welch). So I moved on to another book. It is rare that I completely put a book down but I felt like it had to be done.

Immediately after putting down the book I started Tell Me Where It Hurts, its a book about the Angell Animal Hospital in Boston, its the one with the adorable cover from a few posts ago. So far, so good!

Sometimes a book just doesn't fit your style and you just have to put it down, guess there is nothing you can do about it!

There Is No Crying In Yoga

For any of you who know me, or who read my blog on a regular basis, know that I am pretty much a bundle of dysfunctional stress and energy. I never calm down, I can never relax, and I even toss and turn in my sleep. This happens when all is going well, when I am frustrated my ticks, clicks, and other assorted blips are magnified.

The Doctor (my friend the doctor not an actual doctor) recommended that I try yoga as a way to relax and clear the mind. (Although my actual Doctor has recommended this as well meditation). I scoffed at the thought but figured that it couldn't hurt and at the very least it would be a good core workout. The first class I took a few weeks ago. I hated every minute. I don't know my left from right the poses seemed awkward, and my body did not go into the positions I was supposed to go into. To make matters worse crazy yoga instructor lady (with the huge chest) came over to me in the middle of class and singled me out for my inability to breathe deeply. I tried to remain calm but inside I was mortified and wanted to go running out of the class never to be seen again. However, that was not even the most uncomfortable part of this experience. Apparently at the end of ever yoga class there is ten minutes where you lay on the floor and do nothing (you know all that clear your mind bullshit). I can't sit still so like the bad boy in church i am tapping my fingers grinding my teeth crossing and uncrossing my legs, from one random improperly done pose to the next as all the other freaks and wackos are sitting in peace with a clear mind. Just not my thing. I hated it and I vowed I would never go again.

Until yesterday, the Doctor got out of work early and had time to make the 7:00 yoga class at the gym. I was almost excited because I was really sore and figured I could give it one more try. At least the day after my first yoga class my stomach felt solid because my abs had a great workout. We got to class a bit early, and take our mats and stretch a bit, engage in some idle chit chat and then crazy yoga bitch come in and starts the class. I was stressed yesterday about any number of things but I was trying to focus on all these random positions I was trying to make my body do (all the while breathing incorrectly apparently I don't know how to breathe with my belly because- well because humans have these things called lungs we breathe with). Overall I feel slightly more comfortable with my poses but my brain is not in the class, I am going through work stuff, personal stuff etc etc. oh yeah and I have to think about where in relation to my shoulders my ankles should be placed when in Warrior two pose! So there are just a few things on my mind. In this state I knew that the last ten minutes of the class were going to be hell, I would never be able to just lay there and shut my mind off, I had too many important things going on (you know like who is going to be voted off idol).

When the final ten minutes (which seems like it takes the full hour) arrives i am tossing and turning on my mat, arms crossed, arms uncrossed, ankles crossed then up in the air then bending my knees etc etc. I hear the crazy yoga bitch saying clear your mind, go to your happy place. Inhale deeply then exhale all the stress out of your body. Breathing releases all the crap. Emotional release is important, its OK to cry, you must expel the negative energy from your body. I don't look over at this crazy bitch because I know if I do I will end up laughing uncontrollably and disturbing the rest of the class. I do however roll my eyes at the bizarre things she is saying. I just don't believe in all this positive and negative energy crap.

And then my nightmare. Crazy Yoga Bitch comes up to me at the end of class, grabs my arm and asks me if I am okay. She wants to know what I am going through and make sure that I am okay. I tell her that I am fine but she clearly doesn't believe me and tells me that its OK to show my emotions. Blah blah blah. Hey, crazy yoga lady... THERE IS NO CRYING IN YOGA!

Not A Wolf I Want At My Table

Recently, at a talk at Harvard's Brattle Theatre, Augusten Burroughs joked that he was worried that people would try to return his book because... "It is broken, it's missing the funny." And while I will agree with Mr. Burroughs, a lot of A Wolf at the Table is not funny the book is definitely not broken.

This book is a heartfelt memoir with his recollections of what it was like to grow up with a distant and mentally abusive father (one who in his mind was also physically abusive to his mother). All young Augusten wanted in his younger years was some attention from his father, a hug or to sit on his lap, but his father always pulled away and was not willing to give him the attention he so desired. Burroughs internal dialogue is humorous in a dark manner and you feel for the poor child who just wants to be loved by his father. As he gets older he fears he is going to end up being like his father. While he has developed a hate for his father he still strives for approval, as a successful advertising executive he rattles off his accomplishments and all he receives in return is an, "Ok son I have to go." Even on his deathbed, his father can not manage to give Augusten a shred of actual love or approval.

Many people have criticized Burroughs believing that he can not remember all of these intimate details of his childhood. My stance is that he remembers them vividly because they were so important to him. He had a rough childhood and the one thing that he wanted he could not have. He tells his history with his father as he remember it. That is the idea behind a memoir, it is his story about his life, as he remembers it, and I think he did an excellent job.

Off to a Vineyard

I have been working so much lately, and I wanted to make this post right after it happened but I just didn't have the time, and now I am not even sure of what day it happened but one of the days that both myself and the doctor had off recently we decided to go to a vineyard outside of Boston for a wine tasting, tour, and picnic (as well as purchasing some wine).

Whatever day it was I was awakened by the completely random idea from the doctor of "Hey, lets find a vineyard and go today, that would be fun and different." I agreed that it would be fun and different and something to do and then i proceeded to roll over and go back to sleep until 1:00pm. When I awoke, friends had been contacted, plans were made, a picnic basket was packed and I had to get in the shower because we were already late. I have to admit I was pretty impressed with the spontaneaity of the decision and the planning and preparation that occurred after the decision was made.

By 1:30 we were out the door and on the way to Nashoba Valley Winery somewhere in the middle of Massachusetts. (We never leave the city so this really was quite the adventure). About 45 minutes after we left we pull up a hill that reveals a cute little vineyard with all the charm you would expect. You can tour the vineyard for four dollars and you can do a wine tasting for six dollars (this includes tasting five wines as well as all of the beers). Thank goodness I wasn't driving!

The wine tasting was slightly overwhelming for me because I had never done one and there were over 30 different wines on the list we could try, whites and reds, and fruits and dessert wines. So many options and only five tickets. We all tried some different wines and many of them were spectacular (actually most of them were). The problem with the tasting was it lead myself and the doctor to splitting the cost of a case of wine. Hey, what can we say, we liked what we tasted and we wanted to taste it again. My two favorites were the Blueberry Merlot (so yummy) and the Raspberry Dessert Wine (omg soooooo good with chocolate cake). We bought two of each of those and we have already consumed some.

After our tasting we went outside and enjoyed our cute little picnic of cheese and crackers and of course a bottle of wine was shared between friends (I think we had a bottle of the Blueberry Merlot). All in all it was a great day and I am glad that the good doctor decided to do something different. I guess you never know what cool things you can find when you venture out of your usual comfort zone.

Leaving Again

Have I mentioned recently that S is leaving AGAIN! No, no I haven't, and that's because I hate him for running off to NYC. Yeah so what if he got an awesome job at one of the top firms in the country? I still don't think that is any reason to leave Boston, move to NYC, and leave your friend without anybody to go to for free drinks on a Wednesday night! (and also all that other friendship stuff we never got to do this year). Except for maybe that night we got drunk and danced around your living room to your new Ivete Sangalo DVD.

I guess I have a good reason to visit NYC now when I have a weekend off, but this year I won't be able to go down and ruin his Birthday like I did last year, darn graduation falls on that weekend, but I think his husband is graduating from Harvard Law that weekend anyway!

I Will Never Understand

The economy sucks, and jobs are hard to come by, so when you get an interview (especially if you have been unemployed) wouldn't you show up. And basic courtesy requires you to call if you re not going to show up. I had seven interviews scheduled for Thursday and six scheduled for today. Yesterday only one didn't show up, today three failed to show up. You damn stupid people you really deserve to be unemployed. One of the no-shows however really surprised me... I received the following cover letter attached to this applicants resume in response to my online posting...

Dear Hiring Administrator,

I am writing in response to an advertisement for positions at the (name deleted). I saw ads on (online job board). I have a B.A in English Literature and I am an avid fan of books and an ardent interlocutor with people. I have tremendous energy and I feel that I would perform (name of position deleted) with admirable efficiency and assiduity. I would prefer a full time position if I had my druthers. I am available immediately to work and I have no constraints on my schedule at this juncture. Please review my credentials and contact me as I feel I would be a valuable asset to (company name deleted). Thank you in advance.

(name deleted)

Now first some definitions:

in·ter·loc·u·tor: 1 : one who takes part in dialogue or conversation 2 : a man in the middle of the line in a minstrel show who questions the end men and acts as leader

as·si·du·ity: 1 : the quality or state of being assiduous : diligence 2 : persistent personal attention —usually used in plural

druth·ers: dialect : free choice : preference —used especially in the phrase if one had one's druthers

OK, not that these words are that hard, but a candidate who takes his time to craft a cover letter such as the one above for an online job posting, and then this person doesn't show up for an interview. Am I missing something here? Or are even the smart people becoming stupid?