On Losing A Companion

I am sitting here writing this with tears running down my face
A dropper full of baby food still sitting on the coffee table
And the other four animals surrounding me because they can feel something is wrong

I thought I was ready
I spent the last two nights with her laying in my arms
She was weak but she still purred when she was with me
And true to form she hissed when anyone came near her

She was very sick
She was very young
I struggled with what to do

She was family
She was a friend
She was a constant companion

Did I do all that I could do
Would she have made it another night

After a week of being sick she had lost six pounds
Her spine was visible through her matted fur
Her skin was turning yellow as her liver failed
She couldn't go on much longer before the pain started

Last night I knew what had to be done
I fed her to keep her comfortable
She stayed wrapped in a pillowcase on my lap for hours
It was time

She was hiding this morning when I was looking for her
I thought she knew
I cried because I felt like a failed her

I found her cuddled up in the bottom of a kithen cabinet
She was always good at hiding
I was always bad at seeking

I wrapped her in her pillowcase
Slid her tiny body into a carrier
And we walked slowly down the street

I walked into the vet and they knew
Rough weekend says the technician
She pats me on the shoulder and says it okay

I take her out of the carrier and she continues purring in my arms
I hold her like a baby and pet her
Then it is time to put her down

I cry, she purrs
I cry

This won't hurt her at all
Two shots and she is free

I hold her on the table and we are face to face
She knows
One shot

They give me time with her
She is falling asleep
She sticks her tounge out
She breathes deeply

The vet returns
I cry knowing this is the end
Another shot

Tears are running down my face
One last breath

She is gone

I sob and the vet hands me a tissue
Take all the time you need
She lays there motionless

I cry
I hold her in my arms
I kiss her
I try to say goodbye

I apologize
I wish I could have done more
I loved her

She was family
She was a friend
She was a companion

I had saved her
And now I had lost her

I walk out of the office
Clutching her pillowcase
Crying as I walk down the street
She was my cat
I loved her
She was my family
She was my friend
She was my companion
She was my Tipsy
I loved her
And I am going to miss her
Rest in Peace Tipsy
Daddy Loves You So Much


Jeffrey said...

and i'm crying

sorry <3



D said...

my heart breaks for you. I know exactly the feeling as when I had to put Sadie down. I'm crying so hard right now I can barley type. I tried to call you. I can only say it will get better in time, but it's going to take some time. Be so thankful you have the other cats around you and they will comfort you in this time. I miss you my friend so much. I send you all my thoughts and hugs of warmth. You DID the RIGHT thing as hard as it was and I'm so proud of you for making such an unselfish choice.
Love you bunches.

jma212 said...

J -

I am so, so sorry. But be sure, Tipsy knew how much you love her and she's not suffering now. Warm thoughts and much love from all of us at BU...


wes said...

"Farewell, Master, Yet not farewell
Where I go, ye too shall dwell
I am gone, before your face,
A moment's time, a little space.
When ye come where I have stepped
Ye will wonder why ye wept."

JJay said...

Oh my god I'm sobbing.
I'm so sorry :(