On Losing A Companion

I am sitting here writing this with tears running down my face

A dropper full of baby food still sitting on the coffee table

And the other four animals surrounding me because they can feel something is wrong

I thought I was ready

I spent the last two nights with her laying in my arms

She was weak but she still purred when she was with me

And true to form she hissed when anyone came near her

She was very sick

She was very young

I struggled with what to do

She was family

She was a friend

She was a constant companion

Did I do all that I could do

Would she have made it another night

After a week of being sick she had lost six pounds

Her spine was visible through her matted fur

Her skin was turning yellow as her liver failed

She couldn't go on much longer before the pain started

Last night I knew what had to be done

I fed her to keep her comfortable

She stayed wrapped in a pillowcase on my lap for hours

It was time

She was hiding this morning when I was looking for her

I thought she knew

I cried because I felt like a failed her

I found her cuddled up in the bottom of a kithen cabinet

She was always good at hiding
I was always bad at seeking

I wrapped her in her pillowcase

Slid her tiny body into a carrier

And we walked slowly down the street

I walked into the vet and they knew

Rough weekend says the technician

She pats me on the shoulder and says it okay

I take her out of the carrier and she continues purring in my arms

I hold her like a baby and pet her

Then it is time to put her down

I cry, she purrs

I cry

This won't hurt her at all

Two shots and she is free

I hold her on the table and we are face to face

She knows

One shot

They give me time with her

She is falling asleep

She sticks her tounge out

She breathes deeply

The vet returns

I cry knowing this is the end

Another shot

Tears are running down my face

One last breath

She is gone

I sob and the vet hands me a tissue

Take all the time you need

She lays there motionless

I cry

I hold her in my arms

I kiss her

I try to say goodbye

I apologize

I wish I could have done more

I loved her

She was family

She was a friend

She was a companion

I had saved her

And now I had lost her

I walk out of the office

Clutching her pillowcase

Crying as I walk down the street

She was my cat

I loved her

She was my family

She was my friend

She was my companion

She was my Tipsy

I loved her

And I am going to miss her

Rest in Peace Tipsy

Daddy Loves You So Much