I don't do restaurant reviews, I never will, it's not fair to the establishment because I am such a picky eater. However, last week we decided that we would go someplace different for dinner, after all we love the Diner but there are so many restaurants that it is crazy to keep going to the same place for months (although we do that most of the time). We decided to go to a pizza and wine bar that we noticed a few weeks before. We figured, how could we go wrong, I love pizza, the Doctor loves wine. It's done! So we ended up at Pi Pizzeria and Wine Bar.
I have to say it was one of the most bizarre and fantastically insane dinners I have ever had. The owner of the restaurant was our waitress, and she is off the wall crazy. This was enjoyable kind of crazy, but I got the feeling that it could be a non-enjoyable crazy if you crossed her, but all was OK because she liked us.
For a visual image of her which will help you understand the evening, picture a tall blond Barbie doll, with a surgically enhanced chest, dressed from head to toe in designer. Not sure what designer but it was expensive.
I have struggled with how to write this post because it is not so much about the food (excellent) or the atmosphere (very cool and trendy and a little crazy) but more about the experience. And to me it seems like an experience that is beyond words.
We walk in the front door of the restaurant and a blond streak comes running out from behind the bar..."Well, hello it looks like the hot guys have arrived." (See I told you she was a bit crazy). Immediately following the greeting, with white frosting on her fingers she asks... "Would you guys help me frost the penises?" At this point we knew that this was going to be an night to blog about, as the doctor begins humming Bonnie Raits, "Lets Give Them Something to Talk About."
She seats us at the big table in the front of the bar, and walks away. The friend we are with then excuses himself to the bathroom. She return with menus and says, "Was that a boy or a girl you were with? I don't know who was with you I was so distracted." Our friend returns, and we decide to not tell him that part.
She once again returns to take our order, and somehow we get on the topic of schools, apparently a nerd from MIT had turned her down in her past... "He was a jerk, I mean really, who would turn me down, and I mean MIT... come on, Oh, you didn't go to MIT did you?" At this point the three of us sitting at the table were practically doubled over.
Leaning seductively over the table she pours our wine, and begins discussing her gay employee, she then tell us that she has no "gaydar." We decide to make it easier on her and tell her that we are gay. She seems shocked, but continues to lean seductively over the table. "You guys need to totally come back when (name deleted cause I don't remember it) is working, he would love you, you know I have him on camera doing stuff in this restaurant... he would love you guys." I believe she was referring to her gay employee, but I'm not sure and it is possible that she was trying to hook us up with him.
When she returns with out appetizers she asks how we know each other, we explain the relationships, and that the Doctor and I are together, she turns to our friend and says... "I know how to break them up, next time I'll just put a roofie in the wine bottle..." She walks away and we almost fall out of our seats, apparently she is not only going to hook us up with her gay employee, but she is going to drug us as well in order to break us up.
Our pizza arrives, and she decides that she needs to tell us what she is planning to do this weekend, besides having a large party on her roof, which is also the best place to see fireworks apparently she is going to a gay male stripper bar. "Guess, where I am going... a bar called Secrets here in DC?... have you heard of it?" We tell her that we have, and that it is a gay strip club, "Oh my god, I didn't know it was a gay male stripper bar, that's gonna be so much fun." At this point she is like our new best friend, the one you bring to parties to entertain the masses.
"Here you guys need to try this shot, I don't drink, but it is so good." We were confused by this statement, not only because we would have expected her to be a raging alcoholic, but also because if you don't drink how do you know what the shot tastes like. It was good though, and the added touch of frosting from the penises was a nice touch.
The night continues with interesting comments, and asides, we are having a blast as we have a few final words with her, when out of nowhere she says, "I got my special needs daughter Allez hair removal because she is half Persian... so you know she needs it" I almost spit wine across the roof when she said this, and I had no idea how to respond other than to laugh.
We get up to leave and she tells us that we need to come back, and make sure that her gay employee is there... "You guys need to come back, next time sit at the bar, the wine is on me." Now keep in mind I didn't go back for that free wine, because, after all she did say it was going to be roofied so she could break me and my gay "husband" up, but we did go back for more pizza and the antics continued. I recommend stopping in if you are in DC, it is a good time... plus you can't go wrong with pizza and wine.