I have been holding off on this post for a while because the Good Doctor and his mother both read my blog, and I don't want to embarass the Doctor but with everything going on, I think its important that I write this post. For those of you that vomit at the sign or even mention of sappy sweetness, I don't reccomend reading on. For others feel free to read and enjoy (or make fun of me).
Obviously, if you have been reading my blog you are aware of the fact that this has been a rough month or so. The Fabio Brandao trial has drained me, and then the flu saw an opportunity and knocked me on my ass for a couple of days. But through all of this and the many month of dealing with things before I have been the luckiest person to have the best boyfriend in the world.
The Doctor has stood by my side, holding my hand in court, pushing me to do the right thing, getting the word out about what is happening in the media, and acting as an overall press secretary for the past few weeks. The Doctor was the first one to see me in the hospital after the attack, as he raced down from the Cape when he heard what happened. Then he kidnapped me and took me away for a couple of days and made sure that I was able to recover. And he has been by my side ever since. Without the Doctor's support I would not be as strong as I am right now. Without the Doctor's support I would not have had the courage to do all that I am doing now.
A few months ago when the date of the trial was announced I had a breakdown, it was the first time since the end of the nightmares that I really thought about the attack. I was scared. Suddenly I knew I was going to have to face my attacker and deal with what had happened to me. I knew deep down that this moment was coming.
I was crying after I had been startled awake by the nightmare that I always had at 2:44am following the attack. I knew I had woken the Doctor up. He looked at me and he knew why I was in a panic. I had tears running down my face and he was immediately awake.
As any psycologist knows, the only way to handle your work is to leave it at work. This helps us in our relationship because he listens for a living and I talk for a living, and at home he can talk and I can listen. But he knew that he needed to take some of his job home at this moment and help me work through what was going on and why I was feeling the way I was feeling. It was clear that the Post Tramatic Stress from the attack was remanifesting itself because of the impending trial. And I was scared of what had happened to me and what I was going to have to get through. A hug worked wonders and I knew that he was going to be there for me, but then he went further and we talked. He knew what I needed to do and how I should handle it. He listened to my concerns and helped me come to a decision on what I needed to do without telling me what I needed to do. Just getting the words out... "I'm scared" helped immensly and knowing that he would be there for me allowed me to get through all of the feeling and concerns, and stand up and do what needed to be done.
Since I met the Doctor almost two years ago, I knew that there was something special between us... for me it was an immediate connection... maybe not love at first sight.. especially since he had that boyfriend (who I actually really liked as a person) but I knew that no matter what we would be close friends for a very very long time. And now as I tell him... I have never been happier.
Sure I have all of these things going on in my life, but with the Doctor I am happy. I have never been this happy. Even my family who knows I am a notoriously grumpy person see that I am happy when I am with him, and when I am away from him now I miss him. I need him standing by me every day during the good times and the bad because it makes me a stronger and better person. We complement each other very well and while we have some fights of course we have a very stable relationship. I love him for who he is and what he does for me and he loves me despite my bitchiness.
So the moral of this post is I am very greatful to have the Doctor by my side through the entire Fabio Brandao ordeal, and I look forward to having him by my side for many more years... just hopefully not having to go through quite the ordeal of this month.