A Conversation With An Automated System

Thank you for calling the National Passport Information System, for information in English please press 1 por informacion en espanol oprima el numero dos.

The doctor coughs... gracias

Hang up and try again... Thank you for calling the National Passport Information System, for information in English... I press 1... I'm sorry I didn't understand your selection... goodbye

Seriously, dial the number again and wait for the automated ass to finish speaking then I press 1 for English.

If you are traveling internationally within the next 14 days you can access our automated appointment system in the following menu, if you are not traveling within the next 14 days please visit our website... (literally talks for 2 minutes) For more information we are available Monday- Friday 9-4.

For information on how to apply for your passport or Visa please press 1... the coffee maker clicks on... thank you... the requirements for a passport are... the system goes through the options but then doesn't give you the opportunity to apply or set up an appointment.

I hang up and try 6 more times to get through the menus one the neighbor get home and turns the key in his door... thank you for making your selection the code to nuclear launch is... then the dog barks.... thank you... in order to eliminate this system you must travel to space... Gracias... tu mama es... thank you... we are complete and utter idiots and we know that you hate us and this is just fun on our end.

I finally retire to the bedroom, pull the covers over my head, make sure to not labor my breathing and get through the screens and make my appointment for next Tuesday. I should then have a passport just 2 days after that!

And that young people is our government at work. They can't even get a phone tree right!

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